On a quest to improve my emotional frequency, to elevate my ‘vibe’, and discover who I am beyond what my familial and society programming, I have come to the conclusion that unconscious toxic shame and what is as known as generalized ‘floating’ anxiety have a lot to do with what the media has dubbed vaguely as the ‘mental health crisis’.
For many of us unconscious toxic shame is silent monster lurking around every corner waiting to devour us. This shame, usually resulting from early messaging we received about ourselves from our family, care-givers, teachers, and more generally the society and times we grow up in. To differentiate, shame is very different from guilt. Guilt kicks in when a person does something they know to be wrong and feel bad as a result. Shame is much, much more sinister, it is located at our core and tells us that we are bad. Shame, particularly toxic shame, acts like a filter in which a person understands reality which undermines healthy self-esteem, well-being, and expression. Believing that one is bad or defective in some manner, permits all sorts of indignities and suffering, from negative self-talk and a lack of self-confidence to abusing and/or abuse of others. If a person believes that they are bad or defective, this becomes a reason or an excuse to treat others or be treated poorly. Shame is at the very bottom of the emotional frequency scale for good reason, it is the biggest obstacle to self discovery and personal well-being. The unfortunate and difficult part in recognizing and dealing with toxic shame is that it is usually a consequence of a bad upbringing and cultural defects, it’s normalized like the air we breath, difficult to see. Sadly, far too often, instead of conscious and empathetic parenting, children are often subjected to their parents unresolved issues. Likely, the more unconscious the parent, the more likely to off-load their character defects onto the child. This is irresponsible but very common, as there are a lot of immature and traumatized people having children. As Freud pointed out, people will do just about anything to avoid taking responsibility, if that means projecting one’s own negative qualities onto or blaming a child or treating them poorly because the parent was treated poorly, is more than enough justification most people need. Scapegoating is the most extreme form of this, and just about every family has one. Parenting has been dubbed the MOST narcissistic vocation as many parents seek to turn children into expressions of themselves. Research indicates that the entire society is becoming more narcissistic, generally speaking, and there seems to be a greater avoidance of responsibility than ever. The result, many children today are growing up overwhelmed by shame, though to them it feels like depression, anxiety, or feeling like an outcast. We are witnessing the rise of radical forms of self-non-acceptance, and because adults do not want to take responsibility, this is being fostered and politicized.
Anxiety is the human response to something we value or identify with being threatened i.e. threat of Nuclear War, migrants taking over your town, threats of civil war or totalitarianism, financial crisis, or not being good enough or not fitting in, on and on and on. There is not shortage of things to be anxious about and to hear about it in today’s super connected world. Anxiety is a prominent feature, something we all deal with. ‘Floating’ anxiety is of a generalized sort with no locus. Meaning a person experiencing ‘floating’ anxiety can’t understand where it is coming from in order to deal with it, unlike anxiety over something specific in which we have some control. Unfortunately, an anxious population in fear is something fostered and exploited by media, certain corporations, and politics for propaganda and control purposes. Would-be totalitarians know that a anxious populous will surrender just about anything to assuage their anxiety. This is prime for fascist totalitarians to swoop in.
We often hear about the ‘mental health crisis’ as if it is some amorphous thing. The sources of this crisis are not hard to identify, but require honesty and level of responsibility currently absent in discourse and behavior. The source of this mental health crisis, in many cases, is likely due to growing up with heightened amount of shame and anxiety. Children are growing up very differently than they have in the past. Two parents households with regular involvement from extended families and communities is no longer the norm. Children are less being educated, instead they are being mainlined totalitarian-like narratives and indoctrination. Parenting itself is more frequently taking a back seat to State and corporate agendas, which is even less empathetic and personally enriching. Indeed, if one has a broad definition of abuse, as I do, it would not be difficult to surmise that child abuse is becoming normalized, it’s everywhere. One only has to look at the $35 trillion debt, $2 trillion annual deficits and $140 Trillion unfunded liabilities (Congressional Budget Office) to realize the adults have literally stolen their futures, and are making the ‘American Dream’ untenable for many. The adults spent lavishly on themselves and are planning on leaving the place in a shambles and for the children to foot the bill. This is not only highly immoral, as well as unconstitutional, it of course is another cause of ‘floating’ anxiety, but clearly shows our societal absolute sh_t attitudes toward young people today. If you are young and reading this, please know that the adults, government, multi-national corporations (i.e. big pharma, big ag.) and academia do not have your best interests at heart. Please stop putting any faith in them.
This was a weird long-winded way to say, that if you want to elevate your vibe and discover your true self, essential steps on that journey are recognizing the source of shame and anxiety and taking constructive approaches to alleviate these, and hopefully find ways to constructively use them as a catalyst and means to promote growth.
Happy journey!